Well isn’t that special Michael Moore thinks he is the giver of rights.
(cross posted @ Passionate America)
Michael Moore is serving moonbat guano flavored Kool Aid again. OH,
YEAAHH! It seems the Democrat win has heightened his thirst for power
to the level of a deity. Michael Moore has been gratuitous enough to
grant conservatives rights. How nice of him. What would we do without
you Michael Moore? I can think of a few thing.
Without Moore’s wisdom and generosity conservatives would surely not survive. Comrade Moore decrees from this day forward:
A Liberal’s Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives …by Michael Moore
To My Conservative Brothers and Sisters,
First, I am not your brother.
I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results
of last week’s election. You’re worried that the country is heading
toward a very bad place you don’t want it to go. Your 12-year
Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many
promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.
Well, cheer up, my friends! Do not despair. I have good news for
you. I, and the millions of others who are now in charge with our
Democratic Congress, have a pledge we would like to make to you, a list
of promises that we offer you because we value you as our fellow
Americans. You deserve to know what we plan to do with our newfound
power — and, to be specific, what we will do to you and for you.
I am not even in the same ballpark as friend when it comes to you
Michael Moore. Good news is something you have never had. And do
yourself a favor, leave the sarcasm to professionals.
Thus, here is our Liberal’s Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives:
Dear Conservatives and Republicans,
I, and my fellow signatories, hereby make these promises to you:
Well we Americans made a promise to Iraq, but I guess your word does
not apply to that promise. Excuse me if I fart in the direction of your
so-called promises.
1. We will always respect you for your
conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you “unpatriotic”
simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to
dissent and disagree with us.
You have never respected our conservative beliefs. You will never,
ever, call us “unpatriotic” is that a retroactive promise, because if
so you have already broken that promise? We don’t merely disagree with
you, that would mean that we only have a difference of opinion. It is
well beyond that, it would be better defined as right or wrong. Right
would be us and wrong would be you. I would love to test you Michael
Moore, I am willing to discuss right and wrong with you in a public
forum. I am sure you would be willing to do that.
2. We will let you marry whomever you
want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be “different” or
“immoral.” Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love —
it’s a wonderful gift.
Americans can already marry whomever they want. Any man can marry
any woman (of age) and any woman can marry any man (of age). What if
one of your fellow Kool Aid drinkers wants to marry a goat, would you
grant that wonderful gift?
3. We will not spend your
grandchildren’s money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends.
It’s your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.
Crap you already spent our grandchildren’s money. Oh you mean you’ll
try from this day forward to not spend everyone’s–except those you
consider rich–money? You’re right, it is my checkbook and it is my
paycheck, so we can expect you to end income tax? Also keep your dirty
hands of my checkbook, it is none of your business and I can balance it
just fine myself. I had to teach myself how to balance a checkbook, no
thanks to the socialist government schools.
4. When we soon bring our sons and
daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home,
too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to
war based on either a mistake or a lie.
So according to you our sons and daughters only deserve to live for
a few more years, because when they come home it will only be a matter
of time before the main front in the war against Islamofascists will be
here in America? So will you prevent our sons and daughters and every
other American from defending America when the Hitlers-in-headscarfs
attack within our borders because of your mistakes and lies? Remember
you said, “There is no terrorist threat!”
5. When we make America the last
Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans
are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will
be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when
stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that
affect you and your loved ones, we’ll make sure those advances are
available to you and your family, too.
I thought you said in #3, “It’s your checkbook”. I guess you’ll wave
your magic cheese burger and pay for the costs of universal health
coverage out of thin air or from your own checkbook? I fully agree that
we should get busy with stem cell research. We might find the cure for
the disease of liberalism that inflicts you and your moonbat followers.
Remember you said it’s our checkbooks so we expect your side to give
till it hurts for privately funded stem cell research.
6. Even though you have opposed
environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the
Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and
drink the purer water.
Will we have to ask permission once you destroy the right to
personal property? Make sure you get your communist comrades to help
you clean up the environment also.
7. Should a mass murderer ever kill
3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to
tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will
protect you.
Well it’s good to know that the next attack will be only one man
(just like the last one right?) Will you demand that the future mass
murders provide justice to their future victims? I will expect your
Democratic majority to immediately capture Osama as soon as they take
power. Thank you for protecting us. Do you have a plan on how to
prevent our heads from being cut off?
8. We will never stick our nose in your
bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your
business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were
born, not the moment you were conceived.
So what Mark Foley did as a consenting adult is none of your concern
either. Then how do you explain Foleygate? Do you mean you will
consider a baby in the womb just a clump of lifeless cells that you can
kill based on your mood of the day? Thanks for holding convicted
murders in higher regard than innocent future Americans. My son’s will
sleep soundly knowing that their mom is just getting fatter and doesn’t
have their future brother or sister inside of her.
9. We will not take away your hunting
guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a
deer, then you really aren’t much of a hunter and you should, perhaps,
pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as
we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we
would protect ours.
I know you wont take my hunting guns from me, I’m not dead yet. I
don’t need an automatic weapon to hunt, it just makes it more
entertaining. I need the automatic weapon to defend my family from the
terrorists that are coming to America to kill us after you bring our
sons and daughters home from Iraq. Also we’ll need automatic weapons to
defend ourselves from our government once you socialists achieve your
master plan. I just know you will be able to convince criminals to turn
over their guns.
10. When we raise the minimum wage, we
will pay you — and your employees — that new wage, too. When women are
finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage,
too.
So you are going to lower our wages because the majority of working
Americans already make more than minimum wage. Will male porn stars
make the same money female porn stars do? Will everyone be required to
perform their jobs with the same proficiency as their coworkers? Will
men be allowed to use male issues as an excuse to take extra sick and
personal days as women? Will men also be able to take off 9 months
without fear of losing their jobs when there is a child on the way?
Will you make sure that there are an equal number of women working in
dangerous and physically demanding jobs that traditionally have been
done by men? Will WNBA players make the same amount of money as NBA
players even though almost no one is interested in seeing women play
basketball on TV, (unless they were models in BACON BIKINIS®)?
11. We will respect your religious
beliefs, even when you don’t put those beliefs into practice. In fact,
we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs
(”Blessed are the poor,” “Blessed are the peacemakers,” “Love your
enemies,” “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle
than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God,” and “Whatever you did
for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”). We
will let people in other countries know that God doesn’t just bless
America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance
and fanaticism — starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus
setting a good example for the rest of the world.
Because once the rest of the world see how you have eradicated
intolerance and fanaticism here in America, the Islamofascists will be
encouraged to live together in peace with infidels instead of blowing
us up or sawing off our heads. You are going to have a twofold problem
getting into the kingdom of God, first you are not a poor man and
second there is not enough butter in the world to coat your love
handles so that you can squeeze through the gate.
12. We will not tolerate politicians
who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go
after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people.
And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side
FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply
because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads
the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important
duty as the loyal opposition.
Alright I’ll call you on this now. Get busy getting all the corrupt
Democrats out of office so we can have our majority back. Come on are
you still sitting there? Get busy!
I promise all of the above to you because this is your
country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in
this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of
service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we
can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans — and
for the rest of the world.
Signed,
Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
No you are not every bit as American as we are! And thank good I
know how to swim because I’ll be swimming as you and your moonbat
friends sink faster than you hitting an iceberg. No you are not going
to weasel your way out of this in your last sentence, you promised at
the beginning and now you’re just going to, “see if we can make things
a bit better”? I will point out every time you break your promise and I
will hold you accountable when your promises are not fulfilled.
Update: Gateway Pundit has uncovered evidence that Michael Moore may be guilty of plagiarism, Michael Moore Reaches Out to Conservatives UPDATE: Plagiarism?
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